dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
