my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize