this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
