thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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