i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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