so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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