seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
