just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
