I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
