You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
