Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
