well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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