I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
