Just cropdusted the office
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
