I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
