omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
not ubering you a puppy
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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