If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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