then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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