Having a random hookup so left but love u
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
