when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
