Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
