so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
