sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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