Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
