The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
