I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
