And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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