in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
