WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
