Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
