I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
