Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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