I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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