please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
