I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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