you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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