my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
