I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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