just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
