he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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