Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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