I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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