I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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