and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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