If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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