maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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