Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
