in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
