you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
