you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
