I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
