That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
