there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
