if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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