who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I still have a little drunk in my system
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
