jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
