he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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