I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
