I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
