I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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