Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
