she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
