i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
