did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
