I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
