Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
