My friends, they love my intelligence
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
