There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
