she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
