in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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